Katherine’s story: ‘I was devastated when I miscarried’
“I had a miscarriage in 1998 at seven weeks pregnant. I hadn’t planned to have children and actually thought I would never be able to have children due to previous surgery. It was only when I became pregnant that I realised I wanted children. I was devastated when I miscarried and it was very painful physically.
“The worst time was about two months later when I thought I was OK but suddenly fell apart. Looking back, I think this was because my sister, who was expecting twins at the time, became ill, and I became obsessed with the thought that she may lose them as well. I ended up on medication for a few months, which I didn’t want to do.
“I was present at the birth of my sister’s twins on Christmas Eve and I had mixed feelings about this as well because, although I was very pleased, it also reminded me of the miscarriage.
“The other time I felt down was when the due date came round in April 1999. However, I did feel this was a turning point and I was much more positive after this. ”I am now pregnant and due in May. The early months were very worrying, especially
as I had a couple of bleeds. Also, I have had a cone biopsy and was told there was a continued risk of miscarriage until half way through the pregnancy. So far everything is going well and has been worth the worry.”
“I was a fairly content mother of four boys a few years ago. I had some difficulties in my marriage but not too serious. Then my marriage went wrong and eventually I left. My friend Robert was going through a similar experience and so we offered support to each other and our friendship turned to love. Then in May 1998 we were hit by a bombshell, I was pregnant. Neither of us planned for, or even wanted any more children. We did not know what to do. As we fretted I gradually began to imagine another baby and think how it would fit my life. It was a confusing time. We went away for a weekend and I felt very ill. I was 7/8 weeks pregnant and had bad stomach pains and backache. I went to my doctor and she sent me for a scan. The sonographer seemed puzzled when I said I was 9 weeks pregnant, she could not find a heartbeat. The sac was there and intact but there was no baby. She asked
me to go for another pregnancy test and to come back the next week. I did, the test was positive but the scan showed the baby had died. They were very gentle with me and told me I had to come in to have a D&C to remove the failed pregnancy. I was totally shocked, heartbroken and losing the baby made me certain that I wanted to have it.
“On the day Robert took me to hospital. We held each other tightly and I wept for our lost baby. He went off to work and the operation took place mid morning. He collected me after lunch and we fell asleep on the settee for the afternoon. He was wonderful through the whole awful experience. He helped me to talk about it and cried with me when I was upset. He understood the grief I felt and he shared it. It was as hard for him because his ex-wife had not moved out of their home yet and she was four months pregnant with her boyfriend’s baby.
“We recovered from the miscarriage and I returned to normal physically but the ache for the lost baby was there in the background. In February Robert’s ex had her baby and that was very painful for both of us. We must have decided then that was what we wanted and, on Robert’s birthday in March, our daughter was conceived. For the first three months, life was a nightmare. I was bleeding heavily every few days and lived in terror of losing this baby too. But the bleeding stopped, the pregnancy continued normally and Louise is a beautiful three-month-old darling now who has brought joy into all our lives.”
We would like to thank the babyworld members who agreed to talk about these difficult times in their lives, in the hope that it might help others. Names have been changed.