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Body shape after childbirth

Body shape after childbirth

As you gradually grow out of your extendable-waist jeans and
your breasts swell to melon-size you may wonder if it is physically possible
to be your old self again after the birth.

We spoke to expert midwife Zita West about the physical changes of pregnancy
and birth and to independent health visitor Ann Girling about the emotional
adjustments.

Don’t say I told you so

When I was pregnant I thought of it as a temporary state. Once the baby
was out, I would have my previous, toned body back again. My huge tummy
would shrink away to nothing and I would carry on teaching kickboxing
and writing like I used to. Admittedly, I would be more tired from night
feeds but life would pick up where I left it for nine months, with a few
adjustments to accommodate my baby.

By now you’re probably screaming “How naïve!” if you have children. If
you are pregnant for the first time, you might be saying “Well, dur, you’ve
only had a baby, not a life-bypass”. The truth is, you need to say the
innocent second sentence before you can laugh in incredulity as in the
first. First-time pregnancies are shrouded in myth and, in a way, that
is how it should be. As virgin mums-to-be (pardon any pun etc), we need
to believe anything is possible because it is … in theory. If my friends
had told me how much your life changes I would have nodded and thought
I would do things differently from them to make it easier. I would have
coped better, not become so anxious, been more easygoing… whatever. First
pregnancies are special – they are undiscovered territory because pregnancy
is different for everyone.

Despite the fact that my body changed nearly out of recognition during
pregnancy, I couldn’t help but be amazed at what it could achieve on its
own without much input from me. I would give it fuel and rest and it grew
a baby. Amazing! But would it be so clever after the birth at returning
to normal … and what would normal be anyway?

Does my bum still look big?

One of the biggest worries for women is weight loss. Many of us swear
we will only eat for one during pregnancy but, 30-odd weeks down the line,
and unable to get out the tub, start raiding the biscuit barrel. This
is in direct rebellion against the pregnancy manuals, who lecture you
on the importance of not giving in to anything that gives you an artificial
sugar rush. Kaz Cooke summarised it brilliantly in her Rough Guide to
Pregnancy and Birth: “He [Eddy] wasn’t even a whopper: 7lbs 14oz (3.6
kilos). Damn. All the rest was Magnums.” Ignored are the warnings that
you’ll pay for it nine months later when you are still in maternity clothes
and live in fear of seeing your thighs, bum, tum and, well, everything
reflected in shop windows.

Even if you are moderately good, weight gain is inevitable for most of
us. Zita West urges women not to become too obsessed with shedding the
pounds too soon after birth. “Women nowadays try to get back into shape
far too early. Photos of celebrities who have returned to a size 6 after
having a baby don’t help but try to ignore these. More realistic is the
example set by Eastern countries, where mothers take six weeks off to
recover from the birth and let others take the strain while they concentrate
on eating well, resting as much as possible and caring for their baby.”

Giving birth is often equated to completing a gruelling marathon so
it is important to let your body recover at its own pace. “Your body needs
time to heal and rest and build up its reserves again,” says Zita. “Making
sure you’re eating well and getting enough sleep can be tricky when dealing
with the demands of a newborn, but it is essential for your, and ultimately
their, well-being. If you want to start losing weight do it in a sensible
manner. Avoid high protein, low carb and crash diets and see a nutritionist
instead. Balancing your blood sugar is a good way to lose some extra pounds
while still enjoying a balanced diet.”

You’re a woman … not Superwoman

Exercise is important, not only for losing pounds but also for making
you feel good. The sort of exercise you can do will vary from how active
you were before and during pregnancy and on the type of birth you had.
Obviously you must take it more gently after a Caesarean but stitches
can also impact on your ability to exercise comfortably. Particularly
important (and doable!) for everyone, though, are pelvic floor exercises!

“You can start gentle exercise, such as walking, as soon as you feel
able,” recommends Zita. “After your six-week check, you can become more
ambitious and try things like Pilates, yoga and swimming, which are all
excellent activities. Be careful with high-impact aerobics or using the
gym – make sure you tell the instructor beforehand that you have recently
had a baby so they can advise you on what to do and what to avoid.”

The most important thing to remember, advises Zita, is to take things
at a slower pace. “Recovery takes a while, so don’t feel you can be a
supermum. It takes a good 18 months for your body to settle back into
a pre-pregnancy state. Some things cannot change – stretchmarks and changes
to your breasts, for example. Instead of getting hung up on this, concentrate
on respecting yourself and your body. This will help you feel better about
yourself, both mentally and physically.”

Don’t try to be the best

Once you become totally responsible for another human being you may start
thinking differently about things. Many new mums say they cannot watch
the news in the same way – the images of suffering, particularly those
related to children, are too unbearable. Other mums suddenly find that
situations that have any potential for danger, eg flying, cause anxiety
and stress. It is a wonderful, yet frightening, thing to protect someone
so vulnerable and dependent on you.

It is perhaps because of this often overwhelming sense of responsibility
that new mums struggle with their own internal conflict: the need to be
the best but the discovery that we often feel far from it. We are constantly
battered with information on how to do everything the right way: from
giving birth to breastfeeding to sleep training. If any of these areas
do not go as planned or hoped, the result can be terrible feelings of
failing our children by not being the perfect mother.

The guilt factor

Fear of failing is often linked to postnatal depression (PND). This condition
is different form the few days of weepiness called the Baby Blues. Postnatal
depression can be a serious and debilitating illness if left undiagnosed
and untreated. Fortunately, health visitors and GPs do watch out for the
signals but, if you are the sort of woman who likes to show that you’re
on top of things, chances are you will mask the signs quite well. Symptoms
include panic attacks, insomnia, sleeping too much, change in eating habits
(consuming more or less than usual) and disinterest in your baby.

If you are afraid of failing you may be too scared to tell anyone, even
your partner or close family, how you are feeling. After all, having a
baby is supposed to be the happiest time of your life so why on earth
are you feeling down?

Health visitor Ann Girling says that guilt is one of the worst culprits
for causing depression amongst mums. “There is so much pressure from the
media to be perfect, from the government urging us to get back to work,
to financial pressures and, of course, mothering per se is not valued
by this society. A lot to deal with when women are already feeling pretty
vulnerable. Women do experience a lot of guilt, particularly if they suffer
from PND. In my experience of talking to mums about their thoughts and
feelings, guilt is something that women are plagued with. And I know I
can also do it quite well!”

It’s OK to cock up

The truth is, being a parent is one of the most, if not the most, important
things you will do – and there’s no training for it! Is it any wonder
that we get stressed, upset, overtired and overwrought? The key message
is not to be afraid or proud. PND is more common than you think (around
ten per cent of new mums are diagnosed with it, but how many more have
it and do not see their GP?) and is nothing to be ashamed about.

Ironically, as a new mum, one of the most repeated gems of advice from
friends and family will be to not try to be perfect. Yet because many
of us strive for perfection in other areas of our lives it is natural
to bring it into child-rearing. How do we deal with it? “I think we have
to realise that we own our own guilt, ie we give it to ourselves,” says
Ann. “There are those around us who don’t always help but we could say,
‘No, I don’t want that’ and throw it back.”

As someone who has, and still does, berate herself for not living up
to impossible standards I would like to reiterate the message that mothers
do not have to be perfect. In fact, being imperfect teaches us and our
children an important message – that it’s OK to cock up occasionally.
That to err is human. That through our mistakes we learn and grow – if
we allow ourselves to. Don’t give your child a model parent who they always
have to struggle to impress. Give them a real role model, where mistakes
are part and parcel of everyday life and, in the grand scheme of things,
don’t really matter.

Where to next?

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