Most often it is just an unpleasant side-effect of early pregnancy, but nausea and vomiting can occasionally become severe enough to threaten the health of mum and baby. Nicola McClure was sick from week 6 of her pregnancy to the very end. She only discovered early on that she was suffering from Hyperemesis gravidarium, a severe form of morning sickness. Here she tells her (very quesy!) story.
- I was going to sail through pregnancy
- I felt sick, sick, sick
- Burnt chicken and iceberg lettuce
- I just wanted her out!
- It has affected my whole life
I was going to sail through pregnancy
I was never one of the broody ones. I did not look at babies and feel
any pangs of longing – in fact I was never a big fan of children on the
whole. I just always knew that when I was ready, I would fall pregnant,
sail through, pop a baby out and cope brilliantly – after all, everyone
else did, didn’t they?! How I wish someone had told me the reality could
not be further from my expectations.
I first fell pregnant in May 2002, only a couple of months after deciding
to try. I had a whole week of total excitement – that smug feeling when
you have a wonderful secret, and you’re sure everyone can see it, but
you have to just give little meaningful looks to your partner, as only
the two of you share it…… then it started!!
Like most people, I put it down to morning sickness, (except it was all
day), and assumed it would only be for a little while, and that it was
the sign of a healthy pregnancy. I had a scan at 7 weeks following a bleed,
and was reassured by the little heart beating on the monitor. Tragically,
I miscarried at 11 1/2 weeks, but that’s another story.
I fell pregnant again that October, and when the sickness started again
at 6 weeks, coupled with the paranoia of losing the baby again I was a
mess.
Twelve weeks came and went and I relaxed more about miscarriage and focused
on the sickness coming to an end. It never did. I was sick nearly every
day of my pregnancy. My husband would come home from work and find me
still in bed crying as I had felt so ill I could not get up. Smells made
me sick – garlic in particular. I still cannot use the brand of shampoo
I had at the time as the smell brings it all back. The smell of coffee,
petrol, perfume – they all made me sick.
I tried all the suggested remedies – ginger, sucking sweets, eating
before getting up, homeopathy, acupuncture – the list is endless. I could
not stand being touched, being in the car, in the bath.
My husband was a saint as I must have been a complete nightmare to live
with. Although I was never squeamish before, I was nauseous and fainted
every time I had to give blood.
Burnt chicken and iceberg lettuce
My GP was fabulous. He diagnosed Hyperemesis gravidarium early on, and
explained it was a medical condition, making me feel less like a complete
wimp and failure. I was one of the lucky ones, I managed to stay out of
hospital (just !) as after 20 weeks I found I had a little window at about
6pm I could eat but only burnt chicken and iceberg lettuce, and Feast
ice -creams. I desperately sipped water constantly to try and stay hydrated,
and my GP prescribed ante-nausea drugs because as my pregnancy progressed
the actual vomiting decreased but the nausea didn’t. I was terrified I’d
be sick all the time, which made leaving the house an impossibility on
most days.
My daughter was two weeks late, and I was sick right up until she was
born.
When I was pregnant, all I could focus on was how ill I felt, and I paid
for a private sexing scan for the baby as I thought it would help me bond
if I could see it as a person. We even named her, but I never felt the
way women in magazines described their love for the baby growing inside
them, which made me incredibly guilty. Even at the end, I just wanted
her out !
I found the bonding process difficult too and for the first six months
I would happily have let anyone hold her who wanted to. On reflection
now, and reading my diaries after my daughter was born, I feel sure that
I had post-natal depression, triggered by being so ill.
She’s now 19 months old, amazing and the centre of my world. And worth
everything I went through. And my husband would love another baby, I can
see it in his eyes, although he knows how hard it was and would never
ask. My daughter would love a sibling, my parents would love more grandchildren,
and part of me wants another one too, but I’m not sure if I could cope
with it all again.
Statistics say Hyperemesis gravidarium peaks in the third pregnancy.
It has affected my whole life. As a result of this, I now have a complete
phobia about vomiting . I only have to hear the words “stomach bug” or
anything related to vomiting and I feel ill. It’s totally psychlogical,
and I even tried hypnotherapy, but nothing has helped so far. I finally
have a date for a Psychlogical Assessment at my local hospital, two years
on.
All the things you take for granted when you plan to have children are
thrown into disarray if you suffer from this condition and few people
understand the physical and psychological affect it will have.
If I decide not to have another baby, I will feel guilty for depriving
my husband and daughter. I will feel like a failure as a woman, and weak
as it is only 9 months, compared to a life at the end of it. I can have
children, many women who are unable to carry would gladly go through it
to have a child, and I’m really aware of how lucky I am, especially after
the pain of losing a baby.
If I do decide to have another, I will have to cope with not only the
physical effects but the psychological ones. I will have to consider the
strain it puts on my marriage, and the effect it could have on my daughter
if I am as ill, or perhaps worse, than last time.
If you are very ill when you are pregnant, or were in previous ones,
find a sympthetic Doctor, and midwife. Whilst treating the condition medically
is paramount to prevent dehydration amd malnutrition, it is important
to consider the psychological legacy it might leave. Women have so much
to cope with during pregnancy as it is – don’t suffer in silence and assume
you are the only one who can’t cope with it. I realised too late there
is help and support out there if you need it.
Where to next?
- Get the lowdown on morning
sickness and hyperemesis gravidarum - Have you had a difficult pregnancy? Share
your ups and downs with other mums-to-be - Find out more on your medical
care in pregnancy - Pregnancy
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