Home > Parenting > Money matters > Work Postnatal > When knackered doesn’t even come close

When knackered doesn’t even come close

How are you feeling today? Guilty? Tired? Relieved? Or perhaps just
strangely ambivalent? If you’re one of the nearly three quarters of new
mums who return to work, then the chances are you’re feeling all that
and more. Swapping nappy duties for office duties, and sick-stained tees
for smart work clothes gives a whole new meaning to new parent confusion.
Read on to find out how your re-entry into the workforce can leave you
feeling.

When knackered doesn’t even come close

We all know how exhausted new mums feel – disturbed sleep, raging hormones
and the demands of a tiny baby – but throw a working day into the equation
and that exhaustion takes on a whole new meaning. Mothers returning to
work suddenly fully understand the use of sleep deprivation as a form
of torture.

As a working mother of one, celebrity nutritionist and author of Yummy
Baby, Jane Clarke says, “I sometimes get so over-tired that I struggle
to go to sleep even though I desperately need to. It’s had me in tears
at times.”

Part of the problem, as any working mum knows, is that the end of the
office work day is still several hours from the end of a mother’s work
day – feeding, cuddles, playtime, bath time, and bedtime, and that’s all
before the household chores begin!

Mother of two, Louise says, “I find it ridiculous that I am so tired
and struggling to cope.” But the truth is, exhaustion is perfectly normal
for working mothers.

Emma agrees. “I am permanently shattered. I get up early with DH each
morning to get things done and I am near on passing out with tiredness
by the time I get home.”

Desperately missing baby

Even the most organised mother can’t plan for emotions, and many mums
desperately miss their baby when they return to work, especially in the
early days.

Author and Human Resources expert, Liz Ryan says, “There’s a lot of hormonal
stuff going on. It’s extremely common for mums to drive in to their first
day back at work with tears streaming down their cheeks.”

One Babyworld mum is facing these exact emotions. She says, “I want to
be at home with him, seeing all the firsts – first steps, first word etc.
I am feeling so jealous of the nursery staff who will be spending more
time with my son than me. I worry that he will start seeing them as his
mummy and that I won’t be his ‘favourite’ anymore.”

In his book Complete Idiot’s Guide to Bringing Up Baby, Kevin Osborne
says, “Take heart. Separating usually gets easier after the first few
times. You’ll learn that your child did survive and will survive. You’ll
recognise that she appears relatively unscathed. And you’ll be relieved
to see that she seems just as happy to see you as ever.”

Guilty pleasures

Every mother returning to work experiences some degree of guilt, whether
it’s guilt for leaving your baby, or guilt for enjoying some time away
and being just you again. Mum of two, Anna, is torn between her children
and going back to work. She says, “I just feel guilty because I want to
be there for my children, but I also want a career and I can’t do both
fulltime.”

Parent coach Lorraine Thomas says that guilt is an entirely wasted emotion
and that mothers who return to work should “Feel good, not guilty.”

“Get things in perspective,” she says. “Don’t convince yourself that
your child is not happy just because they are not spending every moment
with you. Your child is learning valuable skills from spending time with
others.”

Bursting forth

As well as the emotional upheaval, returning to work can lead to some
pretty uncomfortable physical conditions, especially if you’re breastfeeding.

Remember your full, hard, lumpy breasts during the early days of breastfeeding?
Well, it’s perfectly normal to experience it all again when you return
to work and suddenly have to cut out one or more breastfeeds.

On my first nightshift back to work after my second son, a slightly
anxious man was questioning me about his upcoming surgery. It was around
the time I normally fed my son his night feed, and as I explained the
procedures I noticed my patient’s eyes straying to my bust. Looking down
I was horrified to see that the physical heaviness I was feeling had manifested
itself into the poppers on my uniform bursting open behind the strain.
I looked more like something out of ‘Carry on Nursing’ than a ward sister!

Find out more here about Breastfeeding%20and%20working">breastfeeding
and working here. The NHS
Guide to Breastfeeding and Work leaflet explains what obligations
your employers have to enable you to continue to breastfeed at work.

What else has changed?

Along with the guilt, the fatigue, and the aching boobs, returning to
work after maternity leave is a bit like your first day at school. While
you’ve been adapting to your role as a new mother your work world has
continued on as usual.

There may be new faces, new company policies, or new ways of doing things,
and all of a sudden, no matter how long you worked there before maternity
leave, you feel like the ‘newbie’.

Life coach Amanda Alexander says, “Returning to work after extended maternity
leave is, for many women, traumatic. Not only do you have to face the
fear of the unknown, there is the emotional upheaval of leaving your baby,
the adjustment to your new role as mother, the organisation required to
even get out of the house and the worry.

“You also have to deal with the process of ramping up to work mode. I
am amazed that this major period of readjustment is not amongst the top
causes of stress along with divorce and moving house!”

Dads at work

So how do dads feel returning to work after their baby is born? Although
dads are entitled to two weeks’ paternity leave, only one in five actually
take it, and of those more than half only take one week.

Telegraph columnist Rachel Johnson says, “Nature gears up women to want
to look after babies, and men to want to provide.

“I do believe that all those hormones do something to the mental faculties
to ready the gravid female to the mind-numbing routine of the early years.”

Whilst some dads may be very happy to get back to work as author Rob
Kemp, explains some men’s thinking behind being at home with a baby. Talking
about paternity leave he says, “Two weeks off work. (Whoopee!). At home
looking after a crying, pooing, ravenous infant. (Boo) ” Author of parenting
books, Stephen Giles, puts a more practical and positive
way forward for dads to get back to work after the two-week blur of
paternity leave!

How to cope with your working week

Believe it or not you can survive your return to work and it does get
easier. Some things to consider before you go back to work;

  • Flexible working – talk to your boss about working more flexible
    hours, perhaps starting later or finishing earlier, to fit things in
    better with your baby’s schedule.
  • Quality baby time – When you get home after work, forget telephone
    calls and housework. Instead spend quality time with your baby.The upshot
    of this is that you won’t have much of a life in the week because your
    evenings will disappear but at least you will be seeing alot of your
    baby!
  • Change your baby’s schedule – talk to your childminder about giving
    your baby a longer nap during the day so he’s more awake when you return
    from work.
  • Hire a babysitter at least once a month so you and your partner stay
    in touch with each other and have some fun!

Life coach Amanda Alexander gives some extra tips on surviving your
working week.

  • Accept guilt – We have guilt as mothers – accept it, live with it, don’t pay it too much attention.
  • Nothing is forever – However bad you feel on your first day back at work, it will not feel as bad in a month or a year.
  • Have a probation period – If you hate your job, try giving yourself a time limit. Tell yourself that you’ll do the job for, say another 3 months, and then re-assess. Put the date in your diary so that it’s real, and treat it as a probationary period.
  • Become super-organised – Put your work clothes out the night before,
    and pack your baby’s nursery bag.

Returning to work can be hard for mums, but ultimately work and baby is, for the
majority of us, an ongoing challenge. You may not feel you’ve got it right
all the time but getting something you can live with is a huge achievement.

Where to next?

Click for more topics in Work Postnatal, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .
Bookmark the permalink.