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Obstables for babies to sleep through the night

Obstables for babies to sleep through the night

Here’s something that may really surprise you: As much as we may want
our babies to sleep through the night, our own subconscious emotions sometimes hold us back from encouraging change in our babies’ sleeping habits.

You yourself may be the very obstacle preventing you from changing
a routine that disrupts your life. So let’s figure out if anything is
standing in your way.

Examine your own needs and goals

Today’s society leads us to believe that “normal babies” sleep through
the night from about two months; my research indicates that this is more
the exception than the rule. The number of families in your boat could
fill a fleet of cruise ships.

“At our last day-care parent meeting, one father
brought up the fact that his two-year-old daughter wasn’t sleeping through
the night. I discovered that out of 24 toddlers only six stayed asleep
all night long.”
Robin, mother of thirteen-month-old Alicia

You must figure out where your problem lies. Is it in your baby’s routine,
in your management of it, or simply in the minds of others? If you can
honestly say you want to change your baby’s sleep habits because they
are truly disruptive to you and your family, then you’re ready to make
changes. But if you feel coerced into changing baby’s patterns because
Great Grandma Beulah, your friend from playgroup, or even your pediatrician
says that’s the way it should be, it’s time for a long, hard think.

Certainly, if your little one is waking you up every hour or two, you
don’t have to think long on the question, “Is this disruptive to me?”
It obviously is. However, if your baby is waking up only once or twice
a night, it’s important that you determine exactly how much this pattern
is disturbing to you, and decide on a realistic goal. Be honest in assessing
the situation’s effect on your life. Begin today by contemplating these
questions:

  • Am I content with the way things are, or am I becoming resentful,
    angry, or frustrated?
  • Is my baby’s nighttime routine negatively affecting my marriage, job,
    relationships with my other children?
  • Is my baby happy, healthy, and seemingly well rested?
  • Am I happy, healthy, and well rested?

Once you answer these questions, you will have a better understanding
of not only what is happening with regard to your baby’s sleep, but also
how motivated you are to make a change.

Reluctance to let go of those night time moments?

A good, long, honest look into your heart may truly surprise you. You
may find you actually relish those quiet night wakings when no one else
is around. I remember in the middle of one night, I lay nursing Coleton
by the light of the moon. The house was perfectly, peacefully quiet. As
I gently stroked his downy hair and soft baby skin, I marveled at this
tiny being beside me-and the thought hit me, “I love this! I love these
silent moments that we share in the night.” It was then that I realized
I needed to want to make a change in our night waking habits before I
would see any sleep success.

You may need to take a look at your own feelings. And if you find you’re
truly ready to make a change, you’ll need to give yourself permission
to let go of this stage of your baby’s life and move on to a different
phase in your relationship. There will be lots of time to hug, cuddle,
and love your little one, but you must truly feel ready to move those
moments out of your sleeping time and into the light of day.

Worry about your baby’s safety

We parents worry about our babies, and we should! With every night waking,
as we have been tending to our child’s nightly needs, we have also been
reassured that our baby is doing fine – every hour or two all night long.
We get used to these checks; they provide continual reassurance of baby’s
safety.

“The first time my baby slept five straight hours,
I woke up in a cold sweat. I nearly fell out of bed and ran down the hall.
I was so sure that something was horribly wrong. I nearly wept when I
found her sleeping peacefully.”
 Azza, mother of seven-month-old Laila

Co-sleeping parents are not exempt from these fears. Even if you are
sleeping right next to your baby, you’ll find that you have become used
to checking on her frequently through the night. Even when she’s sleeping
longer stretches, you aren’t sleeping, because you’re still on security
duty.

These are very normal worries, rooted in your natural instincts to protect
your baby. Therefore, for you to allow your baby to sleep for longer stretches,
you’ll need to find ways to feel confident that your baby is safe-all
night long.

Once you reassure yourself that your baby is safe while you sleep, you’ll
have taken that first step toward helping her sleep all night.

Belief that things will change on their own

You may hope, pray, and wish that one fine night, your baby will magically
begin to sleep through the night. Maybe you’re crossing your fingers that
he’ll just “outgrow” this stage, and you won’t have to do anything different
at all. It’s a very rare night-waking baby who suddenly decides to sleep
through the night all on his own. Granted, this may happen to you-but
your baby may be two, three or four years old when it does! Decide now
whether you have the patience to wait that long, or if you are ready to
move the process along.

Too Fatigued to Work Toward Change

Change requires effort, and effort requires energy. In an exhausted state,
we may find it easier just to keep things as they are than try something
different. In other words, when Baby wakes for the fifth time that night,
and I’m desperate for sleep, it’s so much easier just to resort to the
easiest way to get him back to sleep (rock, nurse, or replace the pacifier)
than it is to try something different.

Only a parent who is truly sleep deprived can understand what I’m saying
here. Others may calmly advise, “Well if things aren’t working for you,
just change what you’re doing.” However, every night waking puts you in
that foggy state where the only thing you crave is going back to sleep-plans
and ideas seem like too much effort.

If you are to help your baby sleep all night, you will have to force
yourself to make some changes and follow your plan, even in the middle
of the night, even if it’s the tenth time your baby has called out for
you.

So, after reading this section and you’re sure you and your baby are
ready, it’s time for you to make a commitment to change. That is the first
important step to helping your baby sleep through the night.

by Elizabeth Pantley

This article is an excerpt from Elizabeth Pantley’s No-Cry Sleep Solution.

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