To work or not to work?

Many parents ask themselves whether they want to return to work after the birth of their first child. We take a look at the issues you may be facing when making that crucial decision.

Emotional turmoil

When you’re pregnant for the first time, life with a baby is hard to
imagine. You may be convinced that when maternity leave kicks in you’re
going to give up work for several years to concentrate on raising your
kids. On the other hand, you may think that you’ll take three months off
and then return to work, either full time or part time, and juggle parenting
with your career.

No one can prepare you for the emotional impact that having your first
child can bring. One woman I spoke to said she was convinced that she
would go back to work three months after giving birth and put her daughter
into nursery. She’d made the decision early on in the pregnancy but found,
when the time came, she couldn’t bear the thought of leaving her little
girl at such a young age so left the place till her daughter was six months
old. She was amazed that she had changed her opinion so much between pregnancy
and giving birth and acknowledged that it might be best not to make such
a hard and fast decision so early on.

Some mothers swear blindly that they’ll have their noses to the grindstone
as soon as possible after the birth but completely surprise themselves,
their families and their employers by changing their mind about their
jobs, preferring to stay at home full time until their children go to
school. They pour all the energy they used in their careers into raising
their children, perhaps finding that this is their true vocation in life.

Equally you may find some women who swore that they would always stay
at home to look after the children desperate to have some time to themselves,
to function in another capacity than being a mum. They go out and find
full- or part-time work to have a break from their responsibilities at
home, surprised that they changed their views so radically.

The key point in all of this is that you can never know exactly how you’ll
feel until you find yourself in the situation so it’s best to keep an
open mind about this and deal with things as and when they arise.

Can you afford (not) to?

It’s all very well saying sit tight and wait until the time comes to
make your mind up about returning to work but the stark reality is many
of us cannot afford to. Such decision-making is a luxury for some families,
who desperately need two salaries to cope with increasing living costs
and who simply could not take the dramatic drop in money that losing one
person’s salary would entail.

Sometimes compromises can be made, such as the mother or father working
part time instead of full time so they can strike a balance between work
and childcare commitments. However, it can be hard to deal with, especially
when deep down you know you would rather be at home raising your child
rather than entrusting someone else with this job. The question is it
better to be poorer and happier or better off financially but regretting
every lost moment?

Child
tax credits and working tax credits have helped ease the financial
burden on some families. However, there are just as many who haven’t seen
much benefit from these. In particular, parents who would like to stay
at home with their children often feel frustrated that there is no financial
provision to help them do so.

Ironically, this then throws up another question: can you afford the
childcare costs? With nursery places costing anywhere from £400-£1,000
per month for part-time and full-time places, respectively, this is a
hefty whack to come out of someone’s salary package. A childminder can
be a cheaper option but they might not offer such reliability of care
(eg if they are off sick) or such flexible hours as a nursery might. On
the other hand, the cost of having two young children in a nursery can
be akin to bankruptcy, forcing parents to consider alternative forms of
childcare such as hiring a nanny.

Another question you have to ask yourself is “Is it worth going back
to work for such a pittance?” Many parents find that by the time they
have forked out childcare costs, they may have £200 at the most left over.

Time for yourself

For many mums and dads, childcare costs are worth the financial sacrifice
if it means they can have a small slice of time to themselves each week,
something to call their own. One friend of mine says although she’s virtually
losing out financially by going back to work she needs two or three days
a week to use her brain in another capacity other than child rearing.

There’s another aspect too: what if you’ve invested a lot of your time
(and possibly money) developing your career? It’s hard throwing that all
away for four or five years while you raise your children 24/7. Sometimes
mums are criticised for daring to put something like a career before their
children but why should they lose something they have worked so hard to
gain? This is particularly true if you are self-employed; it takes a long
time to gain reliable clients and to establish a mutually trusting relationship.
All that can go down the pan in a matter of months, not years, if you’re
not working. After all, if you can’t do the work, then they have to find
someone who can. Equally, if you have been steadily working up the career
ladder at work it can be galling to let all that effort go to waste.

Full time or part time?

However, this is where you might start feeling the pressure. If you are
adamant that you’d like to return to work you’ll need to seriously consider
whether your chances of progression could be hindered by your decision
to return full or part time. Many employers will say that their top jobs
need someone full-time to deal with the problems that occur five days
a week, not just during the two or three that you may be working. There
is many a mum who thinks that her chances for promotion were spoilt by
the fact that she decided to go back to work on a part-time basis.

There has also been a lot of talk about mums having to take on more menial
positions or even agree to a demotion from their pre-motherhood job because
they could not be in the office five days a week, 9am-5pm. It seems some
mums feel grateful to their employers for offering them anything so they
accept that a reduced salary, fewer benefits and loss of career status.
They are scared to ask for what they deserve.

However, mums are good, reliable and hard workers, whom employers should
be trying to support. They cannot do so unless they know how you are feeling
and what you need from them. One woman told me that in her company she
cannot progress beyond her current position because she only works three
days a week and managers always work five. But why not sit down with her
boss and look for other ways in which to advance her career? It may not
be in a managerial capacity but employers can be creative in finding other
jobs and titles that reflect the commitment an employee has shown. The
fact that you are interested in advancing your career with the company
is proof of your commitment to them and should be viewed in a good light
by both parties.

A complete change of scene

You may find that becoming a mum has radically changed your views on
your job or career. Some mums, desperate to spend as much time with their
babies and toddlers as possible, find other ways of earning money or keeping
their brain engaged in a non-parenting capacity. It might be working a
couple of night shifts at a supermarket or bar to bring in the cash while
their partner looks after the children, hence getting rid of the need
for external childcare.

For other women, having children makes them reassess their entire lifestyle
and career choices. This is often the time when they will make a complete
career break, often starting their own business, such as party planning,
where they can fit the hours round their family commitments. Other mums
return to study, either to give themselves a new interest or to train
themselves in a different field altogether.

Embarking on motherhood is full of worries, doubts and emotional pulls
but if you can keep a sense of perspective and an open mind, the world
could be your oyster.

You can seek advice on childcare through Sure Start, www.surest
art.gov.uk

Where to next?

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