Using grandparents as carers

Recent research by Saga has revealed that grandparents are the overlooked
Mary Poppins’ of the family, with some spending the equivalent of a weeks
full time employment every month looking after their grandchildren, despite
being unpaid and uncompensated for costs. A willing and able relative
who is happy to look after your child may well seem the best, and cheapest,
option. But it’s important that you’re both happy with the
arrangement.

It’s the oldest form of childcare known to mankind. For hundreds or thousands
of years, grannies, sisters, aunts, etc have been looking after little
nippers while their mums have gone out to work, hunt, gather and shop.
And, according to a recent study commissioned by the Department of Education
and Skills, it is still popular, with 58% of parents today still do ask
the grandparents to do a spot of childcare here and there

There are definite advantages (and disadvantages) to keeping childcare
within the family. We take a look at them and ask whether it is an option
that is right for you.

The pros

• More than anyone else (apart from you!), you can be sure that your
  relatives will always have your child’s best interests at heart.
• Since your child knows and loves them well, he or she should feel
  happy and secure being left with them when you’re a work.
• You will be totally familiar with the environment in which they will
  be cared for – either your own house or your relatives’.
• You can be a bit more demanding about sticking to your child’s routine
  and diet, in a way that nurseries and childminders might not be able
  to accommodate because of their own internal routines and the other
  children.
• It’s often a free option, thereby saving you on enormous childcare
  costs!

The cons

• There aren’t lots of cons to this choice of childcare but the main
  one is a biggie. You’re a lucky soul if you and your relatives agree
  on every single aspect of childcare and child rearing. It can be difficult
  tackling potential problem areas with a close relative, for fear of
  offending them or creating tension.
• Relatives might not be up to date with first-aid guidelines; if not
  they should seriously consider taking a course before agreeing to care
  for your child.
• Payment – should you offer? If so, how much?
• Nurseries and childminders are normally obliged to give you a detailed
  account of your child’s day with them, from what they ate to every poo
  or wee they did. If you want this sort of detail, would you feel comfortable
  asking your relative to keep such exhaustive records?
• Unless your child is in the company of other young cousins etc, they
  might not mix much with their contemporaries unless your relatives take
  them out regularly to baby groups and other activities involving young
  children.

Handling it

Asking your parents or in-laws to babysit for the odd night out is a
completely different kettle of fish to setting up a permanent, regular
childminding arrangement. This option certainly isn’t for everyone and
will only work if you have a good, honest relationship with whomever you
might hand your child over to. Both sides must feel comfortable raising
issues without fear of insulting the other side. In some ways, within
such an arrangement, it is best to think of the relationship as an employer-employee
one. If you don’t think this is possible, then this option probably isn’t
for you.

The costs

Many people choose to leave their children with relatives because it
is either a free or very cheap option. However, some people feel a bit
guilty about giving such a large amount of responsibility over without
some form of recompense, even if it is to family members. If you can claim
the Working Tax Credit, there is a childcare element that can be used
towards eligible costs of registered childcare. This means that whomever
you leave your child with must be registered as a childminder to receive
this recompense. The downside is that they also must be willing to accept
other children to mind as relatives cannot register for the sole purpose
of caring for a related child. The best step forward, if you are interested
in this option, is to contact your local Children’s Information Service,
whose number will be in your local telephone directory. For more information
on the Working Tax Credit, contact their help line on 0845 300 3900.

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Where to next?

• Choosing childcare – your options.
• Talk to other mums going back to work on our forum
• You can return to work and survive! Read how here