We’re all proud when our babies start to talk but, as their speech develops, so does their honesty. And it’s not always what we want to hear! Babyworlders share their most cringe-worthy moments when their toddlers opened their mouths!
“Daddy put his seed in mummy”
” I knew we were going to be trying for another baby in a few years,
so to try and prepare my son for it I told him the birds and the bees
in toddler format. We dropped him off with his Nan for the night once,
and as we walked out the door he shouted, ‘Dad, don’t forget to put your
seed in Mummy tonight!’. Eeeekkkk. When I did finally get pregnant, he
went around telling everyone ‘My Dad put his seed in Mummy’ with a really
smug look on his face.” Claire
“The worst one my son ever did was last year when we were sitting on
a bus. A very large lady sat right in front of my son, who pointed directly
at her and said very loudly, ‘Mum, why is this lady so fat?’. The woman
next to me could barely stifle her laughter and I went scarlet with shame
and tried to distract him with something out of the window. The rest of
the journey was very uncomfortable I can tell you!” Anna
When my nephew was very little, I took him to the vet with me to check
on our old cat. The vet was examining puss, who was scared and yowling,
and my nephew said to the vet, ‘You’re not very good at this are you?’.
Thankfully, the vet had a good sense of humour and told my nephew that,
no, he wasn’t very good, he’d only had 20 years’ experience!” Jan
“Rachael came out with my most embarrassing moment on the bus. (I must
state that at the time I drank a lot of diet Coke.) My husband is an audio
engineer and, therefore, into speakers big time. After hearing daddy describe
himself as a ‘speakerhead’, Rachael said ‘You’re a cokehead, aren’t you
mummy?’ at full volume. I was so embarrassed I didn’t know where to put
my face!” Steph
“There are hookers on this bus!”
“That reminds me of another with my son on the bus! The bus was packed
and people were standing up, holding onto the straps that hang down from
the ceiling, when Harry shouts out very loud, ‘There are hookers on this
bus!’. People turned round to see what was going on and it was only afterwards
I found out he meant the ‘hooks’ hanging down for people to hold on to!”
Anna
“We were on the bus and I realised my mum hadn’t given me any money for
my brother’s bus fare. He had just turned five the week before so I told
him to say he was four when he was on the bus because mummy forgot his
pennies. We were sat there and an old lady was sat opposite. He told her
it was his birthday last week and when the lady asked how old he was he
proudly (and very loudly announced ) ‘Well I’m 5 really but I’ve got to
be 4 on the bus so my sister doesn’t have to pay for me’!” Suzanne
“Isobel, 3, went through a phase of calling people fat, not nastily
but just saying, ‘She’s fat isn’t she mum?’. We kept trying to explain
that people might be sad if they heard her say that, so it’s best not
to mention it. The following week, we went to the hairdresser’s and my
hairdresser is a large lady. We walked in and Isobel said, ‘She’s not
fat is she mum?’. It did make me smile – she was trying to be nice!” Wendy
“Everyone knew about my husband’s vasectomy”
“After my husband had his vasectomy, he had to tell our oldest daughter
to be careful around him ‘cos he had a sore pee-pee. Next day, we took
the kids to nursery and Ellie told the carers, in front of some other
mums, ‘Daddy’s got a sore pee-pee’. Another mum said ‘You can’t tell them
anything!’ I turned up at lunch to collect them and the girls casually
told me Ellie had told everyone in the nursery and they were all having
a right good laugh! How embarrassing!” Jill
“They asked to see my boogies!”
“I don’t have kids but once, when I was looking after my friend’s boys,
aged 2 and 4, one of them embarrassed me immensely. We were walking to
the shop and had to pass a big building site. It was a hot sunny day so
all the builders had their tops off. As we walked by, Luke yelled out,
nice and loud in a quiet village, ‘I can see that man’s boogies!’ (his
word for boobies). I was mortified, especially as all the men started
laughing and asking to see my ‘boogies’! I ran into the shop with the
boys, then spent ages looking at sweets, dreading having to walk back
past them to get home! When we came out, they were all still laughing
and waved when we walked by, Luke grinning and waving back!’ Aly
I was in a posh clothes shop in Liverpool called Kids Cavern and my son
was two at the time. I was at the counter paying for something and my
son said ‘Look mummy, I’ve got a big willy’. He had pulled his trousers
and pants down and had an erection! I was gobsmacked! Luckily the shop
assistant just laughed. I pulled his trousers up and told him that it’s
not nice to get your willy out when you’re shopping. For the next few
weeks when we went to town I made sure he had dungarees on! Lieb
“My mum has never forgiven me”
“When I was about 3, my mum was in the bathroom for a while. I kept
asking her what she was doing and she kept saying ‘I’m on the toilet’.
Then I kept asking her what she was doing on the toilet and she finally
answered ‘I’m doing a jobby’. Anyhow, the doorbell went and I answered
it (I should have known better!) and a young, gorgeous salesman was at
the door. He asked if my mummy was home and I replied, just as my mum
came into earshot/view, ‘She’s on the toilet doing a jobby’. My mum has
never forgiven me!” Sus
“We try to be quite open with our daughter and she sees us in the nude
in the bathroom etc. A few years ago, (she must have been about 3), she
announced to everyone in the queue at Tesco’s, ‘My daddy has got a really
big willy you know”. I died. She has also announced, whilst sitting in
the shopping trolley, that she enjoys eating her bogeys because they taste
nice. And then, not long after I got pregnant with her little sister,
we did the birds and bees thing. She then announced to a pregnant lady
we walked past in town at the top of her voice, ‘I know what you’ve been
doing!’.”
Where to next?
- Got a strong-willed toddler? Share your woes on our board!
- Got a strong stomach? Read these pooey stories and find out the true meaning of toilet humour!
- You what?! The crazy things people say to parents of twins
Loading ...
