Hannah, 38, breastfed her first child, William, for just eight weeks, found the whole process completely exhausting and felt she wasn’t satisfying his needs. Her second child, Grace, was much easier and she breastfed for more than four months before returning to work.
She explains: “William was just born a hungry baby. He latched on fine and I didn’t have problems with sore nipples, but he would be on me for hours. My health visitor said a feed shouldn’t take longer than an hour, but William would be sucking for two or sometimes three hours and as soon as he came off he started screaming again. He also hardly slept at all at night, which meant that I was permanently exhausted.
“My husband would take the baby out in the car in the middle of the night in the hope that William would drop off to sleep and give me some rest. While he did encourage me to breastfeed, he could see that I was just spiralling into a state of despair and exhaustion.
“I had advice from all sides – the midwife, the family, the health visitor – and nothing seemed to stop William crying or help him sleep. Eventually, wracked with guilt, I gave him a bottle top-up and he actually slept for three hours that night after two months of hell. Sometimes you have to consider your own sanity and surely a happier mental
state makes a better mother.
“With William, I think I had a good go at breastfeeding, but I truly believe that I simply didn’t have sufficient milk to satisfy his needs, although I know health experts would disagree.
“When Grace was born I was much more relaxed about the whole process and the midwife told me that my milk would flow better with my second child. Like William, Grace latched on no problem but this time my milk supply seemed to satisfy the baby’s demand. Each feed would take no longer than an hour and she would sleep for a good four consecutive hours between feeds at night from just a few weeks old. I was in heaven! Breastfeeding became a pleasure rather than a pain.
“I am well aware of the health benefits of breastfeeding, but as my children have proved, we are all individuals and I don’t think women who can’t get on with breastfeeding should be made to feel inadequate or guilty if they choose bottle over breast.”
- Useful links:
- Scottish Breastfeeding site
- Association of Breastfeeding mothers
- La Leche League
- National Childbirth Trust
- UNICEF Breastfeeding initiative
- Share your own experiences on our Feeding discussion board
