Should you forget fine dining when you’ve got nippers and just head for the local pizza parlour? No definitely not – manners and socialising is what it’s all about as much as the food. Here’s how to eat out as a family and be merry!
Why it’s worth it!
Wouldn’t it be nice if – just once – you could pop into a restaurant quite spontaneously with your young kids and enjoy a sumptuous family meal?
However, unless you happen to have with you an oversized backpack stuffed to bursting with colouring books, felt pens, playing cards, mini jigsaw puzzles, a travelling board game and the current favourite cuddly toy, you will probably sigh wistfully and head for the kitchen at home.
The fact is that most children are fairly high maintenance when it comes to sitting in one place for any length of time, and it’s an unusual toddler who is particularly interested in menu choices.
So is it possible to eat out as a family without having to let the food play second fiddle to you playing with the kids? Well, yes. One of the keys is to introduce children to ‘grown-up’ food from early on, as Annabel Karmel, best-selling nutrition writer, explains: ‘I don’t think it’s ever really too early to start. From around 18 months, toddlers can eat whatever you are eating, as long as it’s not too spicy.
‘Making food fun is very important,’ says Annabel, who has written fourteen books on nutrition and cooking for babies, children and families ‘Using ethnic recipes, such as chicken satay sticks or anything in a wrap, and offering children utensils such as chopsticks to experiment with, is a great way of getting them to try a wide variety of foods.
And it’s not just about eating well – a family meal is a social occasion, and presents a wonderful opportunity for you to talk to your children and for all of you to find out what’s going on in each other’s lives.’
‘When a family eats out no-one should compromise,’ adds Rachel Holland, who runs her own courses in good manners for all age groups, including young children. ‘It should be enjoyable for everyone.’
Tweaking the rules at home
Unless your child is a particularly adventurous eater finding a suitable restaurant menu choice can be a bit of a challenge, so it’s worth introducing a couple of rules into your home for a couple of weeks before you try them outside.
Start by getting your child’s agreement that they’re not allowed to say they ‘don’t like’ something unless they’ve actually tried it – and by ’trying it’.
If your child proves willing to try something new, give him plenty of encouragement, but avoid over-praising him as if he’s just conquered the north face of the Eiger: this will only make trying new foods seem like a huge big deal, when the message you’re trying to get across is that such experimentation is normal and expected.
If he’s unwilling to try anything new, say something like that: ‘That’s a shame because we were hoping to go out for a special meal to celebrate (Christmas/birthday/starting a new school year or whatever might appeal to him most!) and we won’t be able to unless you can eat something different from what you’re used to.’ Alternatively, if he responds well to star
charts or other reward systems, introduce one of these – but again, don’t make a great big deal out of it.
Of course, your child won’t necessarily enjoy everything he tries – but you should praise him for each new taste, even if he dislikes some things.
Making manners fun
I can’t think of a single toddler I know who would respond well to being told to sit up straight, use the correct cutlery and eat with his or her mouth closed. A more effective way to get a toddler enthusiastic about expected behaviour – is to make it fun!
First, make sure your toddler is comfy: ‘Get your child to wiggle, wiggle to sit right at the back of the chair or bench; then you can wiggle, wiggle the chair closer to the table,’ suggests Rachel Holland.
‘This way your child gains a better posture and you are giving a movement task.’
Why not devise a ‘memory game’ to see whether he can remember which spoon you eat soup with, which hand you hold a knife and fork with and where a dessert spoon goes?
What about trying to look the most important by tucking your serviette into your clothes, puffing out your chest and putting on your haughtiest look? ‘Or get your child to draw a table setting before you go and them to arrange the cutlery in a similar way,’ says Rachel. ‘Also this place setting could have a sticker chart down one side, encouraging good behaviour.
A sticker could be for a) walking to the table nicely; b) trying to use cutlery; c) saying thank you, and so on.’
It’s a great idea to instil the habit of saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ from as early as babyhood – even before your infant can talk – but if your child is not forthcoming with these responses as a matter of course, now’s the time to practise them.
Play a game where everyone at the table only gets pudding once they’ve said ‘please’, and where it gets taken away again if they forget to say ’thank you’. Prime your partner to forget his manners and forfeit his pudding until they return – toddlers love humour so use it to teach pleasantries!
For information on Rachel Holland’s courses, contact Rachel Holland Associates on 01722 324953 or visit www.rha-manners.co.uk
Annabel Karmel’s book The Fussy Eaters’ Recipe Book (Ebury Press, £14.99) is available from good booksellers. www.annabelkarmel.com
