There are often no words to describe the love between a parent and
child, but many times words aren’t needed – your baby knows just how much you love him by the simple things you do for him every day. So, in the immortal words of Elizabeth Barratt Browning, How do I love thee? Let me count the ways…
We look at some of the things you do as a parent that tell your child just how much he means to you.
Protection
From the moment your baby was conceived you did everything you could to protect him. You ate the right foods and avoided the wrong ones, you were prodded and poked by the medical profession, you constantly monitored his growth and wellbeing.
Your instinct, as a parent, is to protect your child and, from the moment he is born, your baby is dependant on you to meet all his needs. While this need lessens as he grows and learns to do things for himself, it never completely goes. How many of us as adults still turn to our parents or parent figure when the going gets tough?
Alex J Packer, child psychologist and author of 365 Ways to Love Your Child, says, “Parents want to protect their child from situations where the consequences are too damaging but they should also let their children experience life. We don’t want to raise flawless kids we want to raise kids with good judgement.”
Smiles and laughter
Whether it’s a tender smile at a sleeping baby, a proud grin at your child’s achievement or outright laughter at his quirky behaviour, sharing a smile with your baby is what Alex describes as “a way of beaming love to your child”.
“It’s an evolutionary grounding,” he says. “Even before children learn to speak they respond to their parent’s actions. Smiling evokes such delight in a child that they copy it when they are only a few weeks old.”
He adds, “Parenting can be tough and stressful, so kids love it when you let your guard down and laugh with them.”
Touching
Touch is one of the most important of the five senses for your baby as it begins the lifelong bonding between you both. Every day you touch your baby without even thinking about it. When you cuddle and kiss him, when you bathe him or wipe his face, as you hold his hand or pick him up, dressing him or tucking him up in bed. Every day you touch your baby too many times to count, and each time tells him you love him.
This touching instinct you have for your child is the first communication between you both, and makes him feel safe and content. This in turn deepens your feelings of protection for your child, a response that many psychologists refer to as a parent and child falling in love.
Alex agrees, “This positive attention is an expression of a great love.”
Playing
Children love to play, it’s how they learn about themselves and the world
around them, and many parents are amazed to watch their child completely
absorbed by what they are doing.
Alex says, “When you play with your child you are entering their world
and not asking them to be in the adult world. Validating your child in
this way is a great way of expressing love.”
Story time
Whether you read tales from a book or make them up as you go along, your
child loves story time and the time spent together flicking through colourful
pages or talking about great adventures deeply strengthens your bond with
your child.
Alex says, “When you read with your child you’re transporting him to
a place of great fantasy, especially with bedtime reading where he can
enter a world of safety and security before he goes to sleep.”
Listening
As a parent you have listened to your child from the minute he was born.
The exhaustion every new parent experiences comes from listening to your
baby – his cries when he wants feeding, or changing or just comforting;
his soft breaths when he’s asleep; or his snuffles when he’s unwell.
As he grows, and learns to babble and then talk, you continue to listen
and respond to him. Your attention, interest and responses reinforce your
love for your child.
Alex says, “Parents can understand their child even when no one else
does. I’ve watched parents out with their newborns, giddy and silly and
speaking in a way that, if you didn’t know the context, you’d think they
should be locked up. In fact what they are doing is communicating to their
child with great love.”
Teaching
Everything your baby learns throughout his childhood is preparing him
for life as an adult, and every time you teach him something new, whether
it’s how to walk, or a new word, or good manners, you’re preparing him
to take on the big wide world.
Alex says, “Love all comes down to the most powerful teaching tool -
the power of example. Most of what we teach our children is not self-conscious
but we can’t expect our children to learn if we’re not doing.”
Disciplining
Disciplining your child is often not considered when thinking about the
ways in which you show him love, but it can be one of the most powerful
expressions of how much you really do love him. For example, pulling your
toddler back as he runs towards a busy road brings out your instincts
to protect, touch and teach, while scolding him when he’s naughty opens
up the doors of communication and prepares him for the expectations of
society.
And Alex adds, “While criticism and spanking is just bullying, children
do want us, as adults, to set limits. Discipline is a gift to your child,
which they can use when they are older to say ‘No, my parents would be
mad if I do that.’”
I love you
Researchers at Harvard University found that parental love seems to protect
against illness in later life. They believe that a loving parental relationship
helps to lessen the negative impact of stress and pathogens in later life.
It also protects the immune system and strengthens the desire to live
and heal.
Loving your child is a rollercoaster of emotions – laughter, infuriation,
pride, exasperation, joy and tears – but most parents agree they’re worth
every last ounce of love that you have.
Alex agrees. “The way we show our love to our children is in communication,
affection, empathy, esteem and virtue.”
Where to next?
- 10 ways to love your baby. Loving your child doesn’t just mean kisses and cuddles but taking care of his health and giving him time, for instance!
