We hear a lot about how important the first hours of a baby’s life are for bonding – with the implication that it’s a problem if you don’t bond with your baby straight away. It’s true that the period immediately after birth is an important one for you and your baby to begin to get to know each other, but if anything happens which means that you don’t have this time together (such as if you have a general anaesthetic for a caesarean or if your baby needs special care), this doesn’t mean that you’ll have problems with bonding. Bonding is a process which happens over time, not something that you only have one shot at.
The first time you see your baby you may fall instantly in love with him or her – or you may not. If you’ve had a long labour, or if you’ve had pain-relieving drugs, you may be feeling exhausted or woozy and all you may want to do is sleep. Your baby may be tired too. If you find that you don’t love your baby immediately, try not to worry about it. It will come with time, as you do things for your baby and get to know him or her. If you act in a loving way, you’ll start to feel loving too.
One thing that can help with bonding is having skin-to-skin contact with your baby straight after she’s born. This also helps to calm your baby and to regulate her breathing, temperature and heart rate. It also stimulates your breastfeeding hormones (helping your womb to contract and reduce bleeding), and encourages your baby to breastfeed, if that’s what you’re planning. What it involves is holding your baby, in just a nappy, directly against your naked chest, with a cover of some kind over his/her back.
Skin to skin contact isn’t only beneficial between mother and baby. It is also beneficial between the father and baby. By placing the baby on its father’s chest, wearing only its nappy, the same bond can be formed that is seen between mother and baby. This will greatly enhance the father-baby relationship and lead to a closer bond as the child grows. Skin-to-skin after birth can be done with dad if the mum can’t have skin-to-skin for any reason. So go on all you fathers out there – get your top off and cuddle your baby!
In fact, not only is skin-to-skin beneficial straight after birth, but it’s been recognised that it also helps in the following days as well. The bonding process is something that happens over time. This is why it’s now being recommended that we go back to the ‘old ways’, where mums stay in bed for ten days after giving birth. This is because it’s important for a mother to spend time examining her baby, getting to know every bit of her – particularly if they had a difficult birth and are battling to bond. The bedroom sanctuary invites skin to skin contact, which is so important in the early days. It also helps to establish breastfeeding. Breastfeeding can take time to master. With no other jobs to do other than be in bed, mums have the chance to get to grips with breastfeeding, without interruption.
Many hospitals and midwives now encourage skin-to-skin. If you’d like to have skin-to-skin contact with your baby at birth, put this in your birth plan .
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