Groups > Discuss, Debate and Deliberate

I know there was recently a “friends cancelling plans” thread, but this one is slightly different, Promise!

My sister has just started seeing someone. Last week, she was supposed to come over to mine to play poker, but she cancelled so she could go and see him. This week, I am arranging a BBQ for friends and family for the Jubilee an she has again canelled me so she can go and see him.

My mum has said I should be understanding because “that’s what people do in new relationships” B*llocks if you ask me. She’s just being selfish. It also means her children won’t be coming and I wanted a family day, that I thought we were all looking forward to.
And also she’s a beauty therpaist and she was supposed to be doing me a facial (which I’m paying for) on Monday but she cancelled that cos she forgot we re-arranged for tonight but she cancelled that too because she’s seeing a friend.

Anyway, should I be making allowances for her because she’s in a new relationship or is she just being a nob?

I have said she is more than welcome to bring her new man along aswel so it’s not like I’m unwilling to compromise!!

I do understand what your mum has said re everyone doing it, I do think that on the whole people in new relationships get swallowed up with ‘love’ lol. She obviously wants to be on her own (ish) with him and isn’t ready to share him. I wouldn’t take it personally, she’ll introduce him when she’s ready.

Yes, I do think you should cut her some slack. New relationships are far more exciting than a BBQ. You can’t have sex at a BBQ.

Love is blind and deaf and dumb. And sometimes walks with a limp. Excuse enough.

It’ll all calm down eventually, and normality will resume

Hmmmm

I get that they’re more exciting, bhut we’d made plans, and thek ids were going to come too, but she’s just tossed all that aside. It seems a bit unfair, and dare I say it, disloyal to me.

*the kids

ahahah sorry but Jays comment did make me chuckle.

I wouldn’t be put out – new relationships are very consuming and you do tend to forget that there is anything else in the world other than that person!

Could you maybe pick up the kids and have them at the BBQ – then you can see them and your sister has some”alone time” with her new squeeze?

Hugs

xx

If she’d made plans with you, then she should have stuck to them really. Especially if the children were expecting to go. It seems a bit rude to me, and a bit of a lame excuse. She could at least have popped in out of courtesy and then gone off to see the new man.

I’m in the middle – I can see why you’re annoyed but also agree with Jay.

I rarely went anywhere without Chris when we started dating but I left him at short notice to go to the cinema with my sister, but that was because she worked all day and I didn’t see her much, plus she was taking me to see Britneys film crossroads (I was like 14)! lol!

So anyway I guess it depends, but I don’t think you should push her into making choices if you’re going to be peeved when she picks him.. and you shouldn’t rush her into introducing him either. My sister got with a new guy this month, introduced him the the kids after a week (known him a year) and it has ended badly (I don’t know what’s happened yet, she’s too upset/annoyed? to talk about it!)..

I think it’s a tough one and I’m a bit on the fence like Sheli. New relationships can be very all-consuming and you can lose track of your ‘real life’ a bit in those early stages. Saying that, cancelling plans which involve the kids and extended family is a real shame, but I’d let her off this time and not give her a hard time.
My sister met her now husband the same week that we had DD1 and she felt it was too early to introduce him to us and so we didn’t see her as much as we may have done at that point in our lives if she’d have been single. She would have been a great babysitter, but she wanted to go out with her new love all the time. Tsk tsk!! IMO, she got the balance right though as we still saw her quite often, she didn’t make plans she would then cancel for him and we are all very close now – perhaps if we’d piled on the pressure, it would have caused a bit of tension between us (or even between her and her boyfriend).

Maybe you could leave it be for the next month or so to let them get to know each other better and then if she continues to cancel on you, you could have a friendly chat to talk about it and how you feel.

I think you shouldn’t be too wound up over the BBQ thing but the facial thing would annoy me. Yes people put off family and friends cos they’re caught up in new relationships but if you’re paying for a facial technically you’re a customer and she shouldn’t have forgotten and then said no…. She has only done that cos you’re her sister so she thinks she can get away with it!